she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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