I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize