At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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