at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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