So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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