I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
