You made me cry and you don't even care
wanna go halves on a baby?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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