i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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