Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize