Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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