i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
