even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize