I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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