Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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