Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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