OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize