If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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