While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize