I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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