I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize