I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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