i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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