I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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