Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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