i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize