i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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