i just wanna soil my oats bro
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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