Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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