True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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