I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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