i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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