idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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