so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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