actually, I'm a sock model
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
