I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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