he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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