her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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