I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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