Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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