I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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