why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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