she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize