It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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