the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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