hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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