I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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