it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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