Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
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Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I deserve this hangover.
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