I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize