i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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